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Saturday, January 26, 2013

2013-01-25 – Friday Whisper – Keep Searching...

“My husband doesn’t care/worry about me anymore”
“My wife is giving me hard time by being jealous”
“My husband is expecting perfection from me”
“My wife nags a lot”
“The only conversation that we have is about the kids”
“I am a great provider to my wife and family, what can she ask more”
“I am giving him a great family and home why he can never be satisfied and always frustrated and angry”
“My husband lives in his own world”
“My wife lives in her own world”

It is when you start searching for alternatives:
-You spend lots of time going from one meeting to another, with friends from coffee shop to another, leaving your wife taking care of home and kids
-You spend lots of time watching soap operas, falling in love with the main character of the series, thinking about how unlucky you are having your husband.
-You flirt with other women, sometimes having few affairs here and there
-You spend time chatting with strangers on Facebook, respond to other men’s flirt and sometimes having affairs here and there
-You think that the only reason for marriage is to have sex and have kids.

No one says relationship was easy. The day you got married, the real challenging work has started: to keep the sparkle alive in your relationship, that is.

Turning away to easy alternatives is the easiest thing to do; it is also the fastest way to push your relationship to the cliff.

If your wife is jealous or nagging, she is longing for an attention, she feels she is not enough for you and she doesn’t know anymore what makes you happy…

If your husband lives in his own bubble, he is retreating, because he is tired of voicing out what he needs and the only response he is getting is his own echo.

According to you, you are giving your spouse a lot. It is not what you are giving; it is what your spouse needs.

Take a step back, look at your relationship and see what it is really happening, what is causing it and what are your real choices.

People change and grow, their interests change too. Your spouse is not the same person you met 5, 10, 15 years ago. And you are not the same person either. What your spouse could bear 10 years ago, he/she can’t bear it today. What used to make your spouse happy 15 years ago, doesn’t anymore.

Embrace every problem in your spouse as an opportunity for you to grow. What is it that you are doing to provoke your spouse? How would you change to doing it differently?

Your spouse challenges your problems, uncover your weaknesses, pushes your buttons.

There is no harm if you accept your mistakes, there is no shame if you accept the fact that you are not perfect either.

Tell your spouse what you really need; maybe he/she is not good at just guessing it!

Stop hoping your spouse would change, start changing yourself. Instead of expecting the other to be the right mate, try being the right mate yourself.

Trust your spouse, value your spouse, befriend your spouse again and remember why you got married with him/her in the first place…

Wayne Dyer, an American author, said: “Problems in relationships occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person.”

And Judith Viorst, and American author, said: “One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.”

Keep searching, just make sure you are searching within yourself, within your relationship, within your home: A winning recipe…

Rania Hammoud, Life Coach
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Friday, January 11, 2013

2013-01-11 – Friday Whisper – Thank You! Don’t mention it!

You know when you help others with something and they tell you “Thank You”, you would go “don’t mention it”, if they go “Merci” you would go “pas de quoi”, if they say “Gracias”, you would say “de nada” and I am sure similar expressions exist in other languages…

We even go one step further to tell the person that really what we did is not that important, not even worth mentioning it.

Same goes with any other positive compliment you receive; you might blush or diminish your own work by saying “it is not that great!” and sometimes, trying to prove to the person that you are not worth the compliment! In some case, it even goes in some cases to self-deprecating!

Whereas we accept very quickly a negative criticism or comment, as we are more likely to believe a negative comment than a positive one.

Even when we answer by “with pleasure”, how many times we really let this appreciation sink in our mind and heart and go deep down inside the same way the negative comment goes straight forward to the heart and ache it!

It is so hard for us to believe that we can be actually good and useful, and receive recognition and appraisal for it…

I know that sometimes we do favors without really expecting any credits, but when it happens, why not take it, breath it, digest it and let it settle in our hearts.  After all, it doesn’t take a trophy for us to accept recognition; just a sincere “Thank you” would do :-)

The next time someone says “Thank you”, smile and tell the person “It was really my pleasure helping you” in a way you really mean it and it was really a pleasure for you, then enjoy the emotion that comes out…

Henry James, an American writer, said: “There are two kinds of taste, the taste for emotions of surprise and the taste for emotions of recognition.

As for me, I would like to thank you for stopping by every week, or every month, or even every now and then, to read my thoughts and share your comments: Thank You :)

Rania Hammoud, Life Coach
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