When was the last time you felt angry? What was it about? How did you behave? Have you hurt anyone in the process? Have you ended up fighting about the way things were said rather than the subject itself?
We all get angry every now and then; it is a normal human emotion. Psychologically speaking, anger is a protective emotion that gets us ready to fight or flee in a specific situation, and it is associated with a psychological change in our brain.
Still, we feel we’re boiling inside and about to explode! We scream, insult, say things we regret after for sure!
Do you remember what made you angry in the first place? Was it being misunderstood? Annoyed? Misjudged? Hurt because they pushed your buttons? You cannot choose how we feel, but we can choose how to react to it. Maybe the time has come where you need to change your way and call things by their names.
How should you go about it? At the moment you feel like screaming and cursing, shut up and go sit alone… by physically moving away, you give your brain a chance to think clearer.
-Take a deep breath.
-Accept the feeling, don’t oppress it. Feel it without acting.
-Spell it out to the mirror, write it down. Grap a pillow and scream in it.
-Now that you are calmer, go backwards in the chain: what triggered you to feel as such? Was it a word, a voice tone or a gesture the other person did? Was it that your ego highly touched? Was it that you discovered you were wrong, so you wanted to cover your mistake with a higher voice? Were you trying to settle old accounts in this incident? Do you still remember what was it about anyway?!
-Once you understand it, go back to the person and respond without anger: state how you feel, state what would like to see happening, use “I feel” language instead of “you said/did”.
-Listen to what the other person has to say.
-Learn how you will need to communicate next time.
It is not easy to control your reactions in the heat of it…and you wont be able to control it right away the next time you get angry, but you can set your mind to practice it, slowly but surely…
Alfred A. Montapert, an American author, said: “Every time you get angry, you poison your own system.”
And a Chinese proverb said: “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.”
It is ok to feel angry, it is not ok to take it on others…
Rania Hammoud, Life Coach
Check also my blog at http://raniahammoud.wordpress.com
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